May 01, 2017 Beka Ellen 2 Comments

I'm always looking for a solution. A way to understand myself, how to live the life I've been given, what I am feeling, how to master a new skill, a technique for understanding others better, a way around the difficulties that will inevitably pass, and how to communicate my passion and my story to the world.
It's not easy being a millennial, knowing there is hunger and poverty in the world and feeling somehow responsible even though I wasn't around when the corruption first began. It's not easy to accept that both in and outside of my white-middle-classed-privilege there are people, everywhere, hurting for all sorts of reasons. But somewhere I have to find peace and a way to make a contribution. Sometimes that's through my relationship with God, and sometimes I share things on the internet through my blog and YouTube channel.

My Name is Rebekah and I am Creative Obsessed. My heart clings to beauty, and the freedom to express oneself. I'm 21 and still learning, growing, and making my path in this life. I grew up wanting to be a pop-star, now we call that 'singer-songwriter' and I am finishing a Bachelor of Contemporary Music, majoring in songwriting. Because of my obsessive personality and strong emotional responses to the world around me I have been on that hypothetical list of most likely to kill themselves out of my graduating class in high school. I don't know about you, but things do get to me. I'm not trying to stir anything up but simply tell my story. And to me, being on that list doesn't mean I can actually imagine hurting myself, I'm trying to explain that I feel deeply. That's what makes it fitting I am a creative type.

I hate being asked two particular questions that come up very often among human interaction, the first being; What are you going to do...? 
My life is better suited to being project orientated. With things having a beginning and an end. So three and a half years doing the same degree is difficult for me, and breaking the whole thing into chunks is impossible for my mind to manage because the next thing MUST always come next with no time to breath. I have realised I really don't want to be a cookie-cutter musician. I want to write songs for me, not because I have to, allowing each song in its own to be a project, I can't do it in the way that my entire career is one big project, it's too overwhelming and too hard to imagine what I'm really going to end up doing. Therefore the question 'what are you going to do after you graduate?' sucks. It just reminds me that I'm not God so I can't know the future, and it reminds me that project orientated living is unpopular and usually disproved of in high society, making me feel quite alone.

The other question I hate being asked is 'How are you?' I have learned that not only in the UK where this greeting comes from but in New Zealand too, repeating the question back is an appropriate response. Why do people ask then? Another unpopular belief I am walking around with is that I want to always be honest, so my first instinct is to actually answer the question. Another expected response is to say 'I'm good, how are you?' even if you don't mean it. In the past, what I learned from my depression, and other stories of people taking their own life (ie. How to save a life and 13 Reasons Why) is you can't leave people stumped. Out of my own self-preservation, I have to tell the truth about how I'm feeling or else the opportunity to improve my state of mind will be missed. Maybe the person asking 'How are you?' actually cares. So I give them a chance.

What I've later gone on to do are things I am actually really proud of but we can get to those in my other posts. I may not be an expert in music or life, but maybe in some areas, I might be on a level up from someone else. I want to share with you what I learn in life, and what makes it worth while for me. I believe in trying to make life easier, more organised, and more fun where it can be, so we can spend more time working on new things. Be it understanding what really causes my to feel certain emotions, a new recipe I'm excited about, or other creative projects I find myself working on.

We all have the power to create the life we want. I want to use that power. And I want to encourage you to create the life you want too.



  1. What a beautiful Blog! (I found you via a comment you left on The Spinoff).