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10 Honest Truths You Don't Know About Me.

February 08, 2017 Beka Ellen 0 Comments

This very honest post is an out of the blue idea that I need to get down before I lose the inspiration to post it.
These are 10 hard truths that you don't know about me. Hopefully, I'll feel a bit lighter when I'm done.


1. I suffer from Anxiety & Depression

Merging into adulthood I have learned of a magical thing called mental health. I use this description ironically, however, the biggest problem with having depression- a sickness in your head that stops you from seeing the good in your life as reason to be happy- there are so many people in the world who don't believe mental health is an issue at all. They don't seem to believe in mental health, even a few doctors. This is one of the reasons I don't talk about it because the right person to do so with won't need explanation to help understand what you're going through and what your feeling is real. However, I've yet to really find even one person that fits that description.

2. I am a Christian

Really that should be the first thing on this list as it the thing I've kept out of my presentation of self, the longest. I have grown up with an amazing church family (I mean the people in my church are like extended family, not just my parents are really churchy), but that doesn't mean I find it easy to put my faith in front of everything else. I believe in putting God first because his idea for what my life should be is best despite what I think I want. But perhaps that's the very thing that I'm currently battling with. I'm not perfect at all and I don't want to tell people I love Jesus if they are going to see my failure to live it.

3. My Biggest Fear is **********

What I mean is currently it's something that has to be kept off of the internet or else people will be hurt. It's just another part of being an adult but it brings bright dreams of the future to a gray reality.

4. I failed High School. And my certificate course in Music. And I don't have a diploma.

My last year of High School was when I first suffered from depression, especially when it turned to winter. I didn't care about my work anymore and I only wanted to be done with that place. I didn't get to graduate from my certificate because I was late for 1 class, the time I missed contained all the answers for the test that I DID show up for. If I had only realised my class started earlier. And the diploma comes down to an error of my understanding of tertiary study; I get a degree this year but I don't automatically have a diploma because I've studied for two years, even though diploma courses only take 2 years to complete.

5. I knew from the beginning that I wouldn't keep in contact with my friends in high school.

And strangely it has happened as I expected without even trying, and without refusing any invitations to see them. I suppose they all had the same idea too. Isolating myself in the last year didn't help our relationships. It's just sad actually but I understand we are all very different and I don't understand how quiet little dramatic me... no nevermind, there's a perfect explanation for why I loved those people.

6. I never liked telling people I wanted to be a pop-star.

That's an appropriate answer when you're eleven and your favourite television show is Hannah Montanna, but there's nothing comfortable about it when you're 19. Just because Taylor Swift makes a substantial living for herself it doesn't make entertaining people a real job. Or possible.

7. I don't know what 'My Big Dream' is anymore.

This comes with the current state of my mental health but I went into my degree expecting to use the tutors, resources, and learning to figure out my path to becoming a well-supported singer/songwriter. Boy, how those ideas have crumbled. If my tutors read this they'll slap me soon after because that's exactly what they have been doing but I have got to the stage of being entirely broken and I doubt there will be any rebuilding like I thought studying was meant for.


8. I'm highly impressionable and have an addictive personality.

Whether it's Jacob Black's tendency to say 'sure sure' in response to everything, or 2013 Zoella's enthusiasm for BarryM nail polish, or every fashion blogger's style, or Jamie Oliver's excitement for cooking, or Liz Gilbert's view of ideas, or every other person in the current minimalism movement, and tiny houses, I'ma eat that sh*t up. I feel like everything about me is there because I'm just a hermit crab. The only reason I justify being a blogger myself is because this one started in 2012 when I had to make one for a design project, and I remember then thinking it was the most brilliant thing to have my own blog when nobody told me to put my personal self out there.

9. I wish I read more books.

The internet has taken over my life. The immediate access to whatever entertainment I want is too good to be true. As much as it makes me happy, I don't know when enough is enough. The same goes for food.

10. I'm proud of my English and Highland roots.

I know a lot of what I say and do is influenced but American culture but over time I have become more interested in my family histories and I know a lot of who I am, came out of Britain, especially my humor. Also, more of my favourite people are British.

A bonus truth is that I never though what to say at the end of my posts. I do actually want for you to have enjoyed it but I know my usual readers won't tell me if they did, and I can only ask so many comment prompting questions before I'm going to give up trying to talk to an audience of anonymous view counts.

xoRebekah

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