I can't be the perfect girlfriend.



Before really getting into writing this, I need to say I don't know what my intention is with this post; whether it's to inform you about a certain topic, entertain you, convince you of a certian argument, or offer a new perspective you may not have thought of. Most likely it is the latter. I just know I need to say something about how love and relationships get portrayed in the media. It's wrong. I have grown up my whole life watching other characters fall in love but there is no way that that helps any of us. I think many of us have forgotten that the purpose of those movies and fairy-tales is to entertain us. And the usual love story is the blooming of a love between two perfectly good-looking people and the way they actually got together (Maid of honour, The ugly truth, Cinderella), Or it is the way that two people who are already in a relationship deal with a rather extreme situation, eg. One of them is ill (The fault in Our Stars), They have a ridiculous group of people living next door (Neighbours), or One of them was assigned to eliminate their partner (Mr & Mrs Smith). And if that is not enough confusion to our expectations the way people break up in the movies is also usually due to an extreme circumstance ie. They spent no time together on their honeymoon (Letter's To Juliet) like what normal couple plans that, or they can't decide what continent to live on (Like Crazy).

But for the most of us, who have a fine bill of health and no issues with our visa, these examples are useless when we actually want to work out how to love our partner. Hence this post's title. It's true I can't be the perfect girlfriend for a number of reasons 1) I don't look like these people- I don't have an on-call team of stylists and I don't go to the gym a whole lot, 2) I have already been dating my partner for 2 years and there's nothing a script-writer would find worth putting to the big screen, should he take a magnifying glass to the working of our relationship. He'd simply say your love is boring. But that's the way it should be. How are we meant to navigate boring, everyday, real love when we look to the media for help?

We have to stop looking there altogether. But perhaps this is happening subconsciously. I challenge you to watch what your thoughts are doing when you say to yourself things in this relationship are not going well. Maybe things are boring, but that doesn't mean things aren't going well. See if you can recognise where these thoughts are coming from; You might be surprised. I'll be doing this too in the next wee while and I am sure that as a millennial there will be a number of examples I'll come across.

And if we need to stop looking at to our education of love from the media for help in our real life relationships, where should we look? I'd love to know what you guys think. What resources have you found that might actually help? Who do you ask for advice? Let's share down in the comments down below.

xxoBeka

10 Honest Truths You Don't Know About Me.

This very honest post is an out of the blue idea that I need to get down before I lose the inspiration to post it.
These are 10 hard truths that you don't know about me. Hopefully, I'll feel a bit lighter when I'm done.


1. I suffer from Anxiety & Depression

Merging into adulthood I have learned of a magical thing called mental health. I use this description ironically, however, the biggest problem with having depression- a sickness in your head that stops you from seeing the good in your life as reason to be happy- there are so many people in the world who don't believe mental health is an issue at all. They don't seem to believe in mental health, even a few doctors. This is one of the reasons I don't talk about it because the right person to do so with won't need explanation to help understand what you're going through and what your feeling is real. However, I've yet to really find even one person that fits that description.

2. I am a Christian

Really that should be the first thing on this list as it the thing I've kept out of my presentation of self, the longest. I have grown up with an amazing church family (I mean the people in my church are like extended family, not just my parents are really churchy), but that doesn't mean I find it easy to put my faith in front of everything else. I believe in putting God first because his idea for what my life should be is best despite what I think I want. But perhaps that's the very thing that I'm currently battling with. I'm not perfect at all and I don't want to tell people I love Jesus if they are going to see my failure to live it.

3. My Biggest Fear is **********

What I mean is currently it's something that has to be kept off of the internet or else people will be hurt. It's just another part of being an adult but it brings bright dreams of the future to a gray reality.

4. I failed High School. And my certificate course in Music. And I don't have a diploma.

My last year of High School was when I first suffered from depression, especially when it turned to winter. I didn't care about my work anymore and I only wanted to be done with that place. I didn't get to graduate from my certificate because I was late for 1 class, the time I missed contained all the answers for the test that I DID show up for. If I had only realised my class started earlier. And the diploma comes down to an error of my understanding of tertiary study; I get a degree this year but I don't automatically have a diploma because I've studied for two years, even though diploma courses only take 2 years to complete.

5. I knew from the beginning that I wouldn't keep in contact with my friends in high school.

And strangely it has happened as I expected without even trying, and without refusing any invitations to see them. I suppose they all had the same idea too. Isolating myself in the last year didn't help our relationships. It's just sad actually but I understand we are all very different and I don't understand how quiet little dramatic me... no nevermind, there's a perfect explanation for why I loved those people.

6. I never liked telling people I wanted to be a pop-star.

That's an appropriate answer when you're eleven and your favourite television show is Hannah Montanna, but there's nothing comfortable about it when you're 19. Just because Taylor Swift makes a substantial living for herself it doesn't make entertaining people a real job. Or possible.

7. I don't know what 'My Big Dream' is anymore.

This comes with the current state of my mental health but I went into my degree expecting to use the tutors, resources, and learning to figure out my path to becoming a well-supported singer/songwriter. Boy, how those ideas have crumbled. If my tutors read this they'll slap me soon after because that's exactly what they have been doing but I have got to the stage of being entirely broken and I doubt there will be any rebuilding like I thought studying was meant for.


8. I'm highly impressionable and have an addictive personality.

Whether it's Jacob Black's tendency to say 'sure sure' in response to everything, or 2013 Zoella's enthusiasm for BarryM nail polish, or every fashion blogger's style, or Jamie Oliver's excitement for cooking, or Liz Gilbert's view of ideas, or every other person in the current minimalism movement, and tiny houses, I'ma eat that sh*t up. I feel like everything about me is there because I'm just a hermit crab. The only reason I justify being a blogger myself is because this one started in 2012 when I had to make one for a design project, and I remember then thinking it was the most brilliant thing to have my own blog when nobody told me to put my personal self out there.

9. I wish I read more books.

The internet has taken over my life. The immediate access to whatever entertainment I want is too good to be true. As much as it makes me happy, I don't know when enough is enough. The same goes for food.

10. I'm proud of my English and Highland roots.

I know a lot of what I say and do is influenced but American culture but over time I have become more interested in my family histories and I know a lot of who I am, came out of Britain, especially my humor. Also, more of my favourite people are British.

A bonus truth is that I never though what to say at the end of my posts. I do actually want for you to have enjoyed it but I know my usual readers won't tell me if they did, and I can only ask so many comment prompting questions before I'm going to give up trying to talk to an audience of anonymous view counts.

xoRebekah

January Favourites

Hey there everybody, it's a new month so I'm going to look back on January and tell you about the things I discovered and loved, should you simply wish to know or if you're wondering what's out there you haven't tried yet.

In the home section of this post I have my printer, my HP LaserJet P1102w.
This baby is wireless and most of the time cooperates with my laptop so I don't have to email everything to my dad's computer to get printed. I've been able to make cards and tags over Christmas too as this printer is not afraid to feed through card. It has defiantly just made things easier and my work is more independent of someone else's toner levels.

Memo Pad by noted

I don't know what it is about having small bits of paper available to write things down on, but I wonder why I haven't had this before.

Art Wall

If you haven't seen already, I have redone my office space and bedroom entirely [Watch Video]. It's so Pinterest, I love my new work space.

Shayda Campbell

I've been finding some brilliant YouTube channels with gorgeous videos which I genuinely recommend you all take a look at. Shayda Campbell teaches the principal of illustration over the scary idea of 'real' drawing, that you just need a little technique and you can make lots of cute drawings. This has been my new skill for the month and I'm actually quite proud of myself.

Rachelleea

This fabulous Aussie leads a life I mean to take note from. Sharing productivity tips and adorable seasonal DIYs Rachel's channel is one I'm going to be watching this year with much excitement.

Muchelleb

If you are after motivation to think and more simply then Muchelleb has the advice and kick up the ass you need. This beautiful soul has a lot of videos to look back on and she's currently finishing off a monthly challenge titled Simplify Your Life.

Pinterest

Okay so I probably don't know everything about how to use this website but looking at it as a catalog of ideas, reading material, and style inspiration- I'm sure I can't be going wrong.


New Piercings

To mark my passing into adulthood, I have added thirds to my ears. The first piercing came at age 13, three years later at 16 my seconds were done, and now the others are defiantly healed I've got the rest of the set at aged 21. I should try some sleepers perhaps, you know I've never worn them before, at all.

Naive Jumper by Pagani

Sometimes you just need something that makes you feel super cosy. This jumper, with heavy knit and inoffensive colours, has been very welcome this... summer. Honestly, the weather has been dreadful.


Japanese Cheery Blossom Sanitizer by Palmolive

I have been over-using this, to the point where I thought I had caught my sister's eczema. It just smells like candy and perfume. 

NETFLIX Download

Very handy for road trips, this new function of the Netflix app has kept me entertained through the family ventures away from the house.

House

I used to think this show was so great because it had Stuart Little's dad on it. Nowadays I find the mysteries faced by a diagnostics team is the more fascinating part of this medical drama.

Gossip Girl

I really don't know how I did it but I managed to binge on 2 seasons of Gossip Girl in only a matter of days. I know I have a problem.


Nostalgic 6-in-1 turntable

Why haven't I put this baby first? Having a record player, you'll know if you read my earliest posts, has been a dream of mine ever since I realised they still make them. From Trovoski to Lorde, I can now play my music without being put to shame for my not wanting to bother. With everything right there, why shouldn't I play something while I get ready in the morning? And it's been a huge help for my mental health already; better I let out the tears over a great sad song than in front of everyone and saying it's their fault I'm hormonal.


Camera Purse

Isn't this thing just so cute?! It's perfect for my little photography bits and pieces.

Notebooking

As a person who just needs to dump things out onto a page having a notebook to do both planning and journaling has been quite beneficial thus far. Usually, at the start of a new year, I will find myself a new planner with all the dates set out, but I've never used it because there wasn't enough space. I've stuck to making it easier to find my latest to-do list and facilitated my need instead for being able to jot down my ideas and thoughts wherever I am.
So that's what I've been loving for the last month. How has your new year been? What new discoveries have you made about yourself?

xxoBeka

22/07/14 Wales

On this particular day we drove to Wales for the Royal Welsh Agricultural Show. I've grown up going to the ag show every summer but instead of woodchopping races it's extreme free climbing, and clowns are swapped out for dinosaurs.

This fellow that could pass for a brunet Ed Sheeran is Will. Before we met in New Zealand was a friend of a friend and came to travel and for work experience in 2004. At the same time my 4 year old sister decided Will was her boyfriend.



I also went about giving young people my wristbands. Tell me are any of you lovely readers actually here from meeting me then?


We stayed in a number of Premier Inns across England. If you don't have to share your bed with annoying siblings it's very comfortable especially with the free wifi and complementary breakfasts.
I feel like with this one you'll just have to watch the video, I think it's Dad that would have got more photos of the show.
At the end of the day I was on a travel and sunshine high.